


All That's Left of Us Is You

by veroreos



Category: Free!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, M/M, Sloppy Makeouts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 07:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veroreos/pseuds/veroreos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei wasn’t the only one Nagisa smiled at, and Rei begins to doubt. Himself, their relationship—everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That's Left of Us Is You

Rei could never tell Nagisa it bothered him. He knew Nagisa never meant anything by it, and he knew it would upset Nagisa if Nagisa knew he was upset.

That didn’t make it hurt any less when people would give Nagisa yearning stares, and Nagisa wouldn’t tell them to buzz off, or when Rei would turn his back for a minute to order a drink and come back to somebody talking to Nagisa and Nagisa batting his eyelashes and smiling and twirling his hair around his finger, or hell, that time Rei was buying movie tickets and some asshole asked for Nagisa’s number and Nagisa actually _gave it_ to him, “to _humor_ him," as he’d stated.

Rei would be mad and hurt and jealous, but Nagisa would smile and stare up at him as if nothing was wrong, so Rei would brush it off and pretend like everything was alright.

And he’d smile for the rest of the date and go home and lay in his bed telling himself it was alright until the pain was too much and he’d fail in choking back the tears and he’d throw the pillow across the room and curse himself for being so weak, and he’d wonder all night if it was because he wasn’t beautiful enough or because Nagisa was just too beautiful for him, even though it was ultimately his own failing either way.

And then Rei would see him the next day and Nagisa would smile at him like he loved him and he was the only one on the earth for him, and Rei would forget his fears and insecurities until Nagisa would smile at someone else and the pain would come rushing back like a bucket of cold water dumped on his head and Rei would force himself to grin and bear it and the cycle would begin again.

Sometimes during class Rei would finish his work early and he’d space out and stare at Nagisa’s face, and Rei couldn’t help but notice that Nagisa never did the same for him, or that Nagisa would sometimes jump him and hug him and grab his hand and hold it tenderly while dragging him somewhere, but he’d often do the same for others, especially Makoto and Haruka.

And even though Nagisa went out of his way to get Rei to join the swim team and make him feel special and needed and even loan him a swimsuit and help teach him to swim, that wasn’t really for Rei. It was because they’d needed another member on the swim team so they could compete, and because Rei had a girly name and just happened to fit the absurd criteria for joining. Nagisa could have picked any loser who couldn’t swim and happened to have a feminine name and it wouldn’t have made a difference, would it?

Rei often frowned, but somehow, Nagisa always knew when he was particularly upset. Did he wear his hear too far out on his sleeve, or did Nagisa actually know him well enough to tell? Did Nagisa ask because he was concerned for how Rei was feeling, or because he didn’t want to deal with him in a bad mood? When Rei told him that it was nothing and would slap on a shallow smile Nagisa never seemed to completely buy it but never seemed to ask further. Was it because he didn’t want to pry or because he just didn’t care?

When Rei started to decline hanging out after practice or express his desire to study alone rather than with his boyfriend, Nagisa would frown and whine, but Rei knew enough to recognize that as normal for the blond man when he didn’t get what he wanted and when he was trying to pester someone into complying with his plans. And even then, he still couldn’t help feeling bad when he sat at home, sitting on his bed and staring at the ceiling through blurry, teary eyes. Not because he was sad for himself, or what seemed to be crumbling of their relationship, or the fact that his grades and his relay times were slipping and he couldn’t seem to bring himself to do anything anymore. Hurting Nagisa still tore him apart more than anything else, which only served to frustrate Rei further when he realized that he couldn’t even be this upset when he was the one being hurt.

He hated himself for being weak and dodging around the issue and taking out his feelings on everything else instead of just talking to Nagisa when he’d seemed so willing to listen, so Rei willed himself to bring it up with Nagisa tomorrow as soon as possible.

And when he got on the train to talk to Nagisa, only to find him chatting it up with someone else and batting his eyelashes and smiling and twirling his hair around his finger, Rei lost all his resolve and settled for sitting far away on the other side of the car, even when Nagisa tried to call out for his attention and seemed distressed. He pulled out a book and used what was left of his personal strength to focus on pretending to read and fighting back the pain and the tears long enough to get through the school day, which lasted him until about lunch when he barely managed to ditch Nagisa and the others to find himself a private stairway to look out the window and cry and pray that nobody caught him in such a pathetic, ugly state.

When a hand was placed gently onto his shoulder, Rei jumped, and when he turned and saw Haruka couldn’t find words to explain what he was doing there or what he was feeling, he instead found himself sliding down the wall and curling up and hugging his knees and sobbing into his hands, and for whatever reason Haruka sat next to him and wrapped an arm around him, at first awkwardly but soon warming up and pulling him into an actual embrace. Haruka didn’t say anything until Rei managed to choke out words, and when he did, they were between shuddering breaths.

"Does he even care?"

They sat together in silence as Rei made a futile attempted to wipe the tears from his eyes and the smudges off his glasses, letting out a deep sigh as he tried to regain composure before lunch ended, and Haruka didn’t look to him, instead glancing over his shoulder to look outside before staring off into the distance within the stairwell.

"He’s crying too."

It took Rei by surprise, and when he looked to Haruka for confirmation, Haruka only stared back at him and he knew there was no reason for Haruka to lie about it. The bell rang then and Rei found himself mumbling a ‘thank you’ to Haruka, who in turn said nothing when they returned to their respective classes, and when Nagisa walked into class, Rei could see how puffy and red his eyes were, and the stifled sniffle didn’t go unnoticed.

And this time when Rei kept sneaking glances at Nagisa, sometimes, he caught Nagisa sneaking glances at him too, and once, Rei managed to shoot a weak smile to him, and Nagisa blinked in surprise but found himself smiling in return, and Rei was afraid Nagisa was about to start crying again because he could see him tearing up, and Rei knew if Nagisa would cry, he’d end up a sobbing mess all over again as well.

And when the bell rang, they both left calmly until they were both in the hallway when Nagisa threw himself at Rei, and Rei caught him and eagerly kissed him, and when people stared Nagisa payed attention to no one but Rei, and when they went home Nagisa went with Rei to his house, and when they laid together on his bed Rei decided to lay all of his insecurities bare, and Nagisa listened while holding Rei’s hand and gently stroking it until he was done, and then they rolled onto their sides to face each other and Nagisa told Rei how beautiful he was and how much he loved him, and how much he wished he’d known that he was hurting the person that meant the most to him, and Nagisa kissed him tenderly on the lips between each apology until they were both tangled together in a mess of heat and limbs.

Nagisa would occasionally smile and bat his eyelashes at other people when they went on dates after that, but would then make sure to do it to Rei too before pulling him down by his collar and kissing him, and once when someone asked for Nagisa’s number in front of Rei, Nagisa gave them Rei’s number and then they took turns responding to the number and laughed about it together over ice cream.

And sometimes, Rei would still wonder if he was enough, but every time Nagisa saw him doubt himself, he’d pull Rei aside and tell him he was beautiful with his mouth and his hands, and Rei would kiss him tenderly and wonder how he could doubt their relationship in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an anonymous request fill, reposted from my Tumblr. c:


End file.
